Episode 115: Connection - with your heroes, yourself and those you simply don't like

In this episode Stephen and I discuss "Connection" and how it is much more than a shared contact, a shared history or a shared workplace - these are simply things we have in common. Connection is more and is vital for Influence - your ability to shape and to influence and also your willingness to be shaped.

Some time is also spent on understanding your heroes - and why to admire them.  This is a bridge to better connecting with yourself which then helps you to better connect with others.

And Stephen guides us into how it's possible to connect to anyone - even those you are certain you cannot - by positively looking for something to admire.

Some interesting topics in this one - and a small bonus at the end which made me smile.

Below are some notes I took - hope you find them useful.  Any comments - email us at podcast@coachpro.online and also make sure to check Stephen's self coaching site - coachpro.online

Thanks

Notes:

• Connection is not the same thing as having things in common
• Being clear about the difference allows you to set the right expectations
• Working for the same business doesn’t mean we are connected – we just work in the same place
• For us to have a connection – I’d need to understand what that shared memory means for you – and you for me
• Having something in common is a good place to start identifying who you can connect with
• Time doesn’t create a connection – it just gives you more shared moments
• A common conclusion can mean being on the same page – but if you haven’t got there for the same reasons you may not have a connection
• Why would you want to connect?   Either you want to connect to help to shape – influence – “it” or you want “it” to shape and influence you.
• You cannot influence without connection – otherwise you’re trying to influence from a distance, and it won’t land
• If you cannot connect you won’t be a proactive influencer
• Good to understand this and so you can choose who and what you are connected to – if you don’t choose someone else will.
• 3 levels of connection – Intuitive – Emotional – Intellectual
• This process helps you to better connect to yourself
• Connecting better internally – allows you to connect better externally
• The characteristics you admire in others – or dislike in others – come from your own inner workings
• You identify with characteristics that you recognise as being within you
• To admire you have to connect – to connect you have to identify – to identify you need to see it – to see it you need to recognise it
• A group of people may identify one popular hero – but we will choose different reasons because – intuitively – we are connecting with characteristics we see within ourselves
• What we admire in others is a projection of what we have inside – one reason good people are fooled by bad people – they can’t recognise the traits and reasons for why people would do it
• Hate is similar – you “hate” characteristics that you can identify with
• “you are saying that these are the characteristics I have – whether or not I’m showing them or disconnected from them
• People project different characteristics onto successful people
• Operational: Be aware of the characteristics
• Managerial: Broaden out your characteristics by considering who else you admire
• Strategic: Choose which characteristics you should connect to for different situations
• “I bring my board with me to help me to host events”
• Ask your self – who do you admire in these situations – and what would they tell you?
• However big your plan – if you think you can do it alone – you’re not thinking big enough
• You get to choose who you want – have fun! There are incredible people out there.
• We’re more scared to admire nowadays – we’re worried about being proved wrong
• There are fantastic people out there – let them in!
• To connect – look for qualities you can admire in the person you are meeting
• Whatever you go looking for – you’ll find – choose to look for something positive.
• “What can I admire about this person” – find something
• Law of Reciprocation – the more you connect and admire about them – the more they will connect and admire you
• It is about admiration – not liking – a person or an organisation